Friday, September 30, 2005

Where Are My Ooompa Loompahs??



Do you know this man?

So, I don't want to get all deep and everything, but I feel the need to share my thoughts on various conversations I have had with a couple people who I consider to be more wise than I. I may quote a couple of these folks verbatim, and while I can't give them direct credit (in order to protect their identities), if asked directly, I can do so. The past week has been rather tumultuous for me. I found myself having several conflicts with people which is unusual for me. Throughout this week, I literally felt like the world as I know it was falling apart around me and my life was turning into a Salvador Dali painting. Clocks were melting off the walls, elements were turning into other elements... it was like some alternate universe where all things that should be weren't and all things that shouldn't be are. One of these wise individuals explained to me that my generation was sold a bill of goods by our parents and now the world is not making good on those things that were promised to us. I was promised 10 Ooompa Loompah's and have come to realize that they are on back order and won't be available till Summer of 2009... Guess I have to wait for my Oooompa like everyone else. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I did not realize how disappointing people can be. Perhaps it's just New York City, perhaps it's just me. But somehow, I have to reconcile how I think the world should be vs. how it really is. Perhaps this weekend will provide some answers...

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Check out Looter Guy!!


Looter Guy has his own Website!

Gettin' Squiddy With It!


Squid has been a very popular blog topic of late as both Zain and Kurt have contributed. I feel the need to wrap my own tentacles about this spineless 8 legged sea creature. First, I want to start by saying, squids are delicious and versatile. Second, I wish to dive into some hypotheticals about squids. Third, I may have to point out some fun and interesting squid trivia.

Yesterday, I ate
squid ink trenette with grilled calamari. Bam!!! That was delicious! What’s cool is they actually infuse the pasta with squid ink. Which was my point about their versatility, not only do they provide us with food, they also provide us with a very useful office supply. They are like the Staples of the sea! I have to add that the ink lends a delicate flavor to the pasta. This dish topped with a nice bottle of chianti and some fava beans… Life just doesn’t get much better than that. Actually, I didn’t have fava beans. What are fava beans anyway?

So here is a hypothetical that I want to pose. What if there were LAND squids!! Just imagine a gigantic squid walking around New York – taking the subway (how would they get through the turnstiles?), eating at restaurants (I imagine they would NOT frequent restaurants with calamari on the menu), shopping at Tiffany’s (what kind of jewelry would they wear?), living amongst us… Again, I feel like they would be very industrious. They can literally do like, eight different things at once!

Finally, some fun giant squid trivia:

In addition to humans, sperm whales also enjoy them as a snack
They are amorphous!
They have the largest eyes of any creature in the animal kingdom
Ok, enough facts… if you want more, look
here

Cat Food

I had a thought... Gummi Bears kind of look like cats... Would they sell as well if they were called Gummi CATS?

Moans, Cheers, and Jeers

As some of you readers may know, I had a column back in the high school paper called Myrna’s Moans. Now, don’t get all excited – not those kind of moans! No, these moans were more akin to complaints… So, in the spirit of My Moan’s I would like to start a Cheers and Jeers column for my blog. However, be aware that the Jeers to Cheers ratio will be very disproportionate in favor of Jeers. Let’s not forget – everyone LOVES a complainer!

CHEERS –

Cheers to Bennigan’s restaurant for the “Happy Happy Birthday” song that we all know and love
Cheers to the jazz band from Philly that was playing in Hank’s Saloon in Brookyn last night
Cheer for pizza! It truly is a perfect food.
Cheers to beer and wine for making me feel glorious in the moment
Cheers to Ramen Noodles. I don’t care what anyone says. They are delicious! They are cheap. Full of salty, mushy goodness! I used to eat these things as a kid, and I just can’t get enough. My favorite is when you buy a case of them at SAM’s for like $3.25. I’m getting excited just writing about them…

JEERS –

Jeers to the N line for not running properly this morning, forcing me to take the 5 train and then transferring at 14th street back to the N – which was probably the SAME N that I could have caught had I just stayed at my home platform.
Jeers to beer and wine for making me feel like ass this morning.

Hmmm, I’m realizing that there are not as many Jeers this morning… Perhaps I have less to complain about than I thought… Don’t worry, there’s time for that.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Neil and Camille - Notary Seals


As some of you may know, I am a notary. They have an extensive catalog of notary supplies but I think this item right here, really has to be one of the coolest things ever! Look, Notary SEALS!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SMOOCHY MOOPS!



Kit Or Get Off The Pot!




This is really going to improve the quality of my life... and the lives of little Calvin and Kobe.

CURRENTLY PLAYING ON MY IPOD

Annie Lennox's - Walking On Broken Glass. This song has both an upbeat tempo and attitude but rather sad lyrics... It's worth a listen.

You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew
But I don't care for sugar honey if I can't have you
Since you've abandoned me
My whole life has crashed
Won't you pick the pieces up
Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass
Walking on walking on broken glass (2x's)

The sun's still shining in big blue sky
But it don't mean nothing to me
Oh let the rain come down
Let the wind blow through me
I'm living in an empty room
With all the windows smashed
And I've got so little left to loose
That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass
Walking on walking on broken glass (2x's)

And if you're trying to cut me down
You know that I might bleed
Cause if you're trying to cut me down
I know that you'll succeed
And if you want to hurt me
There's nothing left to fear
Cause if you want to hurt me
You're doing really well my dear

Now everyone of us was made to suffer
Everyone of us was made to weep
But we've been hurting one another
And now the pain has cut too deep
So take me from the wreckage
Save me from the blast
Lift me up and take me back
Don't let me keep on walking
I can't keep on walking on broken glass
Walking on walking on broken glass

There IS A Pot of Gold at The End Of A Long Walk


Despite my recurring back spasms that caused me to bend over and stretch every other block, Kurt (see pic)and I had a nice, long walk home last night. We walked all the way from 50th and 6th down to Essex and Ludlow in the LES. There we shared a table at the lovely and impossible to get-into El Nuevo Amanacer. Luckily, we were able to quickly secure a table with our inside connections. Reknowned for their decadent pulled chicken encased in delicate flour circles, topped with salted, fermented cream - this LES eatery is an absolute must! After a long walk, this and a pitcher of 'rita's was just what the doctor ordered. As for my back... no more spasms!

Monday, September 26, 2005

HOLY BREAD AND BUTTER!



First the we had the Shroud of Turin, then it was a potato, now this! Apparently, this toaster burns a perfect image of the Son of God into a piece of WonderBread. This is not the first time I have written about holy bread. It seems the image of Jesus is becoming a fixture among the simple starches and complex carbohydrates. Brings a whole new meaning to the term, WonderBread

!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Wall Street Journal Success

I am happy to report that I have been getting my paper every day this week. I found today's edition to be quite good. Let's keep our fingers crossed for Saturday...

Ducks or Yanks?




So I have a dilemma. For tomorrow, do I attend the Million Dollar Duck Race or the Yankees game? It’s so cool! They pour thousands of rubber ducks into the East River and I guess they “race.” But the Yanks are kicking some butt right now… Decisions…

Thanks to Daily Candy - Details below:

What: 25,000 rubber duckies race the East River from the Brooklyn Bridge to the Seaport to benefit the Special Olympics.Why: Want to win a million bucks? Adopt your own quacker or a get a Quack Pack of five.When: Fri. at 5:30 p.m.Where: Pier 17 at South Street Seaport, Fulton St., at Water St. (212-490-1062).

Overheard On The Streets of New York

So, I was strolling down 2nd Avenue yesterday and a man waves a box of condoms in my face and says, “Can I use these on you!?” I found this to be funny for a number of reasons. Does this strategy work for this man? I mean, he obviously deals in volume right? He IS on 2nd Ave… Has he had prior success with this? It had to be the most interesting question asked of me yesterday. I smiled politely, made a “no-thanks” wave of my hand, and kept right on walking. Weird.

Got a Sassy New 'Do


I have noticed something weird that people do. People will say, "You got a haircut." They aren't complimenting you on it, they are just making a (somewhat obvious) statement. Then it puts me in an awkward position b/c i feel the need to respond... but then, what do I say? "Yeah... sure did." I don't want to say "Thanks." What am I thanking them for? Strange practice, don't you think?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Fit For A Peasant

So, I ate at Peasant over the weekend. This place is amazing! Nothing short of spectacular food, atmosphere, and in my case, company as well. The wine selection is comprehensive, offering a little bit of everything in terms of price and geography. This is not only a great date spot, but a good place to go with a couple of friends for delicious Northern Italian fare. Yum! Head to NOLITA for this delicious dish!

"Cry Me A River"


So, whatever happened to Justin Timberlake? Is he in hiding b/c his ex recently had a baby and he's secretly heartbroken that HE wasn't the father of the Federletus?
Justin, why don't you do something equally scandelous like steal Angelina from Brad Pitt or adopt an asian baby with your girl Ms. Diaz and put yourself back on the map. Or, if you want to be ho-hum, put out another CD. Your fanbase is longing for some hot Timberlake action.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Send In The Clowns


I don't want to send traffic away from my fabulous blog. But I seem to have stumbled upon another weird
blog. This time, it's all about clowns. Is there some unwritten blog law that says that you can't trash other peoples blogs? Am I committing a blogging faux pas?

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Sunday Night

I'm annoyed because it's Sunday night and I have the blues. If my world were perfect - the following things would be true:

I could eat chocolate and get thinner while doing so
I could sleep for 10 hours every 24 hour period
I would have a maid
I could effectively speed read
My newspaper would never be stolen
It would not be 8 thousand degrees in here
I would have someone to take out my garbage and do my groceries
Todaywould be Saturday

I have to change my linens. I also have to put away my laundry. Both of these tasks seem like enormous undertakings. I'm not sure i have it in me...

Blog Update

I have adjusted the settings so that now anyone can post comments on this blog. In addition, you will no longer be seeing postings by soliciters. Yipidee Dipidee Doo!

I Had A Thought



I had a thought during mass today. I have a sneaking suspicion that this thought was actually wishful thinking brought on by hunger. What if, instead of those wafers for communion, they handed out whole bagels? They could have a bagelry in the back of the church. I think it's genius.

The Evolution of a NickName

Nick Names are very cool. Terms of endearment that facilitate a bond between individuals (no, that's not a dictionary definition - that's ALL me kids). So, I would like to illustrate the genesis and evolution of how one might obtain or dub another with a nick name. Often times, a nick name is similar to the person's real name but it begins a meandering path off to something very different altogether. See the example below for my cat Kobe (yes, like the baller not the city).

Kobe ---> Kooby ----> Kublai Kahn (sp?)
OR
Kobe ---> Moby -----> Moobs ---> Moops ----> Moopy Moops (see, isn't this fun?!)

Check This Out

Look at this weird blog all about William Shatner and his butt... And people think I'm weird...

A Matter of Faith

Today is Sunday. Sunday brings about a host of various feelings for various people. Some folks think football. Others, think about sleeping in and lingering over a big brunch and bloody mary's. A lot of people I know experience the "Sunday before Monday - I-can't-believe-I-have-to-go-to-work-tomorrow - this Sucks!" dread. All that aside, I would like to address something that many Americans associate with Sunday --> church. I'd like to refer to faith. Not to be confused with religion. While both relate to beliefs, one relates to a very specific set of beliefs while the other has more to do with a simple confidence that does not need material proof or evidence. Faith is more what strikes me. Believing in something bigger than myself. I found a nice little church in my borough that I hope to start attending with some sort of regularity. It's a nice way to put things into perspective for the week. Taking an hour to think outside one's self and to consider other issues besides your typical stressors like bills, work, chores, etc is positive and uplifting. I read in Time magazine a few issues ago that individuals in their teens are becoming more religious. According to recent statistics, there is an increase in the faithful in this country, especially among the post Baby Boomer generations. I think everyone should and can spend one hour a week doing something fulfilling that they believe in. Some people might do yoga, or volunteer, or whatever. Nonetheless, having faith is important.

I have faith in:

- Myself
- The general good nature of people
- My cats
- My ability to change
- My 'rents
- This awesome blog

Friday, September 16, 2005

Does It Get Bigger?


If you refer to a previous posting, you will see a claim I made about gummi bears and how they are like dehydrated jello. I have decided to test this theory by leaving a gummi in a bottle of water over the weekend. I am surrounded by non-believers who do not think it will expand. We'll see... Anyone care to wager a bet?

This Is My Cactus


This is my cactus. I kill all things green but not this cactus. I had some extra time and gummy bears on hand so I decided to feed it the spare bears.

To The Annoying People

This post to all of the annoying people... you know who you are! I dedicate this post to you. I hope you have miserable Friday nights and awful weekends.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

I Need A Nice Brown Belt


In addition to cuff-links, I need a belt. In fact, I need several belts.
Would like to donate to the Myrna Needs Accessories Fund?

I feel the need to add a bit more to this post so I am going to edit it. I need a belt because my pants are too big and are falling down. Not like, falling around my ankles down but I-keep-having-to-pull-them-up down. Again, this may seem like a "problem" but really it's not. I guess it means that I'm either losing weight, or these jeans are cheap and starting to give. However, considering that I bought them at
Bergdorf's, we're going to rule out cheapness.

Some People Would Kill For My Problems

I have 5 things going on tonight and there just isn’t enough of me to go around. And these events are ALL quality events. Not things that I could simply take or leave. So here they are:

A) Katrina benefit # 1
B) Katrina benefit # 2
C) Katrina benefit # 3 (yes, I have 3 separate Katrina events this evening)
D) Alumni Football gathering
E) Dinner party at my apartment hosted by my roommate (who happens to have invited male hotties)

Granted all of these events will proffer their fair share of hotties. Of this I’m not worried. However, I have decided to go with choice E, as I agreed to this first, and my roommate is an excellent cook. In addition, why go out when there will be hotties in my own domain. Choose the path of least resistance and let hotties come to you. My cup runneth over - my social calendar is packed to the hilt. Stay tuned...

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

~ Viva Las Vegas!! ~










LOOKS LIKE PEREZ DOES IT AGAIN

Britney Britney Britney... will you ever learn? Thanks Perez for this very important piece of news.

The Joy of Cuff Links


Normally women don't ask for these but I need some. Christmas is coming up (sort-of).... Maybe some nice girly ones...

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Instant vs. Regular - Get Your Coffee On!

I'm probably about to lose some friends for what I'm about to disclose. In fact, it is entirely possible that when people read this entry, I will be ostracized from society... Here it is: I drink Instant Coffee. Every morning when I wake up, I pour dehydrated coffee into a mug and add, get this, not boiling, not microwaved but hot tap water. Yes, I'm THAT lazy.

Word of the Day

Merriam-Webster's word of the day is ASSAY! Hey - ASSAY!

Goats Have Opinions Too!


This is hilarious! Who knew they had farm animals writing for the Onion

Let's wrap all the mini's in twine and recycle them


I have a lot on my mind. For starters, as many of you in the city know, today is
recycling day. As a conscientious citizen, I have been saving my newspapers and Time magazines so that I could put them out on some random Tuesday to be recycled when the spirit moved me. Unfortunately, you know what you need in order to lug 80 newspapers downstairs? A little thing called twine. I’ve been meaning to express my frustration about this for quite some time now – nowhere in the city can I seem to find twine. This may seem like a small issue, but at 6am when I haven’t had my coffee and I’m lugging 50 lbs of newspaper downstairs in a plastic bag that rips open on the way down, spilling old news all over the stairs it becomes an infinitely LARGE issue. In fact, not an issue – we’re going to upgrade this from issue to a problem. If you know of anywhere in this city to find twine, feel free to post. Or, even better, if you want to GIVE me twine, I will be more than happy to accept donations.

Seen on a shirt on the subway platform en route to work this morning – “I’m not easy but we can discuss it.” Is this sexy or slutty? Witty or worrisome? Clever or crass?

Inspired by
Kurt’s 80’s song of the week, I’m starting movie quote of the week. Movie quote for today - from a feel good, Julia Roberts chick flick Runaway Bride” uttered by Richard Gere’s character - “Don’t knock drunks in bars, it means they’re not driving.” There you have it -logical, elegant, to the point.

Colin is telling me he will sell me his silver Ipod mini. Should I do it? I think it depends on how much he is selling it for and what condition this mini is in. I found a store on Broadway selling 4GB minis for $175. That’s a pretty good deal. Another store two blocks over is selling them for $200. I tried to explain to them that their competition was undercutting them… they didn’t want to hear it. Stupid idiots.

Speaking of Ipods,
Madonna just recently added what looks to be the majority of her collection onto Itunes. Seriously, it’s about time! Thanks for catching up with the rest of the music industry Madge, uh sorry, Esther…


Monday, September 12, 2005

Let Ducks Eat Cake - Let Brett Eat Pepperoni

If you're gonna have a birthday - why not celebrate in style?

Friday, September 09, 2005

Get Your Mini's Heeeere!


Alas, the colorful IPOD mini is fast descending into pop culture history. (Think Swatch Watch)* Hurry up and get 'em while ye may! They are discontinuing the mini and replacing it with the IPOD NANO. It's the latest and greatest in Flash media technology. While my pink IPOD MINI managed to slip away from me in a cab earlier this month, I think I may break down and get another as I'm sure it will be a collectors item in about 10 years or so. Make sure to keep an eye out for me peddling my IPOD mini on the Antiques Roadshow in about 100 years.

* It bears mentioning that the Swatch watch has seen a revival of late - a la the Swatch store in New York's own hell hole -- Time's Square. I also think they still sell them on trans-Atlantic flights on KLM - the Royal Airline of the Netherlands. Because let's be honest here, when you have 6 hours of spare time, combined with being cramped in a small, winged tube, you might as well spend your hard earned money on way overpriced plastic swiss timepieces with questionable artistic designs on the bands by "up-and-coming" Euro artists...

STOP THIEF!!


Whoever the culprit is that is stealing my Wall Street Journal every morning - STOP IT! I let it slide for a while - I figured, if I'm too lazy to get my keister out of bed before 8am to pick it up off my doorstep, I deserve to have it confiscated as punishment for my lack of urgency. Plus, I was busy reading other garbage so I figured whatever... However, things have changed and the tides have turned! Whoever you are, don't think I'm not on to your little scheme - I know you pick this paper up sometime after 8:05... My eyes will be peeled for you waiting for the bus reading MY crisp copy of the news. If I find you, I will snatch the paper out of your grubby hands and beat you with it. Have a HAPPY FRIDAY!

Not My Cup of Tea

Yesterday I made myself a cup of tea - however, this was no ordinary cup of tea. This was decaf tea, with lactose free milk, sweetened with Sweet & Low. So, this "tea" was made without caffiene, without milk-sugar (lactose), and w/out real sugar... So essentially, I drank a cup of flavored hot water.

Did I mention that the lactose free milk was also sans fat! Color me happy!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

The CORRECT Way to Write it is GUMMI not GUMMY!


Gummy Bear's are the most yummiest candy... Did you know that gummy bears are just like jello but dehydtrated? So, let's pretend you are taking the SAT's and see if you can get this question right:

Jello is to Gummy Bear
as
Grape is to ________

A) Tea cup
B) Monster
C) Squid
D) Raisin