Message to Mozo! Drop the book immediately!

Alright Alright... I have something rather embarressing to admit. Granted, what could be worse than talking about loosley hanging ear-skin but what I'm about to disclose is FAR worse. I need to preface by saying that I didn't MEAN to do this. It just sort of... happened. Similar to waking up one morning in a shack alongside a bunch of chickens in Tijuana.

Ok, here goes: I am currently reading (gasp!) Message In A Bottle by Nicholas Sparks. He's the same guy who brought us: A Walk To Remember - a movie starring the lovely Mandy Moore and The Notebook which stars the delicious Ryan Gosling and the beautiful Rachel McAdams. If you've read or seen any of this schlock, you'll realize that it's dripping with schmaltzy badness. So, let me explain how I ended up on this destructive path. I was teaching my class one evening and I finished the book I was reading and the WSJ from cover to cover. My students were not 1/2 way thru their final and I needed something to read. The library was closed but there is a little book exhange area where for a sum of $2 you can buy yourself a used book. Being somewhat familiar with the author, I picked up this piece of horridness. Well, similar to herion or cheese puffs, once you start - you can't stop. Without thought for the consequences, I committed to this book - paying the two dollars and started down a road I never wanted to go down. I read it on the subway and find that certain paragraphs in the book make me want to vomit on my fellow subway riding patrons. See nauseating excerpt below*:

He opened his arms, his eyes pleading with her to come to his side. She hesitated for a second, then finally leaned into him, myriad conflicing feelings rushing through her. She lowered her face onto his chest, not wanting to see his expression. He kissed her hair, speaking softly as his lips fluttered over her.
'I do care. I care so much that it scares me. I haven't felt like this in so long, it's almost like I've forgotten how important another person could be to me. I don't think I could just let you goan forget you, and I don't want to. And I definitely don't want tuse to end right now.'
For a moment there was only the soft, even sound of his breathing. Finally he whispered, 'I promise to do everything I can to see you. And we'll try to make this work.'
The tenderness in his voice made her tears begin to fall. He went on, almost to quietly for her to hear.
"Theresa, I think I'm in love with you."
I think I'm in love with you, she heard again. I think...
I think...
Not wanting to respond, she simply whispered: 'Just hold me, ok. Let's not talk anymore.'

* I entered excerpt in puke-green color to heighten pukey effect.

I may need to start going to bad-book readers anonymous or something. I'm sure they must have meetings or support groups for people like us. Because, and I admit this to you all now... I CAN'T STOP!! I must get to the end. Never in my life have I so badly wanted to get to the end...