Checking Out

I was busy reading my Wall Street Journal this morning on the subway en route to work when I noticed something - a crazy man was standing right next to me. Now, you may be wondering how I knew this man was crazy... Well, there are certain indicators that I use to determine if someone has checked out:

1) talking or singing out loud to nobody in particular
2) throwing objects such as garbage or food for no apparent reason
3) swearing profusely, again for no apparent reason
4) urinating or defecating in public

There are other signs that allude to one being Nutty - but I think these are enough for now.
- so this guy was singing to himself, quite loudly - and did not appear to have earbuds in. He was just bopping along to the beat of his own drum... I realized, quite clearly, that this guy has handed in his key-card and checked out of the hotel California for good. At this point, I decided to look at the other patrons of the subway to consider their reactions to this crazy individual (I need to go on a tangent here and just mention that at least this guy was HAPPY crazy... He's not angry crazy or hyper crazy... He's just as happy as a clam in his own happy little world. If I had to check-out, this is the route I would take. Happy crazy DEFINITLY beats angry crazy or sad crazy...). All the other subway patrons did not even seem to notice this happy, crazy man. In fact, they had the look of zombies... Something akin to 28 Days Later, which incidently, is NOT the sequel to the movie where Sandra Bullock plays (quite convincingly) an alcoholic. It was then and there that i realized, that all of these other individuals are one incident away from singing on the subway themselves. It seems as though everyone in New York City is one bad day away from checking out and having a complete and utter meltdown. No wonder alcoholism is so rampant in this city...

My recommendations to bring if you decide to check-out:

1) travel light and leave the baggage behind. If you plan on going off to the happy land of crazy, why bring all your baggage with you? Just perhaps a prescription and the phone number of a good shrink for whenever you're ready to check back in
2) a jacket- hey, it gets cold out there in the big bad world
3) a metro card. If you're going to check out, you're gonna wanna sing on the subway. I recommend the 30 day unlimited pass
4) don't tell anyone you are checking out. Instead, spook them on the street when they happen by. It's more fun that way.
5) A pen and paper. If you're completely checked out, you won't have the capacity to blog your experiences, but I still recommend keeping some kind of journal.
6) Finally, bring a cat. Everybody needs a travel companion.