The Invisible Lines Between Adulthood, Childhood, Growing Up: Breaking it Down

In honor of my friend Elana who turns 27 today, in addition to Kurt and Zain who also had birthdays this month, I would like to bring up the topic of “growing-up” and “adulthood.” I put these terms in quotes not to be cheeky, but to illustrate the following point uttered by Dr. Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy:

I've heard that it's possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friend in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it… there is no such thing as a grownup. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears, and all those old wounds just grow up with us…. We get bigger. We get taller. We get older, but for the most part we're still a bunch of kids running around the playground desperately trying to fit in.

This paragraph brings about the following question. Do YOU feel grown up? I, for one, do not. I feel like an imposter walking and working among the real people: The parents, the professionals, clergy members, state officials, and so forth. Sure, I play the part well – and some may even believe that I AM an adult. I have two jobs that I maintain relatively well. Two other living mammals are solely depending on me for their well-being. I maintain some semblance of health and a clean living environment. Hell, I even did my own taxes this year! And I develop and maintain relationships with other individuals. But these things do not an adult make! Consider the following examples:

Would an adult:
-Jump on a bed in a hotel bathrobe and fall off busting her head open – requiring 8 staples in the scalp?
-Forget to pay her credit card bill, not because of lack of money, but because paying bills is a pain in the ass?
-Get housed on a Tuesday (or any other weekday) night – just because she can?
-Continually call someone a HORSEFACE even when they are not?
-Run in a shopping cart race across the Manhattan bridge?
-Still laugh at Sesame Street?
- Feel rebellious when using “bad” words like $hit or f#ck?
- Be compelled to hug and buy all the stuffed animals at FAO Schwartz because they’re SOOOO cute?

Well, I do all of these things, and plenty more that probably render me un-adult-like. And that’s fine. Because here’s the little secret that Dr. Grey expresses rather poetically above: Everyone else still feels like a kid at times. I often say, I learned everything I needed to know about human behavior by the time I reached the 7th grade. And it’s really true – none of our problems change. So, Elana, today I say, enjoy your day – may you celebrate it like you are 7, 27 or 72. Just note, that if you do find yourself compelled to jump on a hotel (or any other) bed today, it might not hurt to strap on a helmet.

Cat Fancier's Association

This weekend hails the Cat Fanciers Association Convention at Madison Square Garden. Who's with me???

I've been working out with a personal trainer but I can't seem to drop any weight...

Halloween, where art thou, Halloween?

Halloween used to be my favorite holiday of the year. There are so many things to love about this wonderful holiday. For starters, Charlie Brown’s search for the Great Pumpkin is by far the best of all the Peanuts’ cartoon classics. And don’t even get me started on the costumes. 364 days of the year, they are white bed linens, but on Halloween, cut those linens up a bit (Read: Cut eyeholes) and you are suddenly transformed into a ghost. For added effect, it helps if you raise your arms like you’re about to grab onto something and go, “Woooooooooooooooooooooooooo.” Because, apparently, that is the sound that ghosts make. Speaking of ghosts – here is a fun little arts and crafts project:

MAKE YOUR OWN GHOST

You need:

A box of Kleenex (white is better as yellow will give you Jaundice ghosts)

And some yarn – white is also best but red or black will do.

A black marker

Take two pieces of Kleenex and bunch one up into a ball. Then take the other tissue and wrap it around the ball. Tie a string around the “neck” of the outer tissue. Voila – you are left with a faceless ghost. Use the marker to draw a face on your ghost. Alternatively, this can also be done with socks. I used to sleep with a sock-ghost. Can you guess his name? His name was Ghosty. No, seriously. Ghosty.

Anyway, let me continue with what I find so wonderful about Halloween. Besides all the fun sock and tissue paper ghosty-ghosts, there is candy! One day a year, we would run around from door to door and pillage these people of their candy. What’s funny, is I remember some of the more surly people having some of the best treats. In my eyes, these great treats redeemed these questionable individuals till the next Halloween.

And then, of course, there are the scary stories! My favorite was “The Beast with 5 Fingers” which was basically just a variation on the hand that goes around strangling people in their sleep. Still, in my 2nd grade mind, I thought it was the scariest thing EVER.

Pumpkin carving! Hello!! How cool is Pumpkin carving?? You get these gigantic orange edible orbs and cut faces into them. Then you get to stick candles in them. So fresh!

Ah… the joys of yester-year…

Let’s compare Halloween NOW to Halloween of my childhood, shall we?

Halloween Then:

Another opportunity to dress up like a ghost.

Halloween Now:

Another opportunity to dress as slutty as possible.

Halloween Then:

Scary stories about imaginary monsters.

Halloween Now:

Turn on the news – you can see real monsters, live at five!

Halloween Then:

Candy Corn

Halloween Now:

Baby Corn

Halloween Then:

Time to gorge on candy.

Halloween Now:

Time to binge drink (again)

Halloween Then:

Yummy baked cookies with pumpkin faces on them.

Halloween Now:

Poisoned cupcakes or muffins with pins in them.

Ok, Ok, enough. I paint a bleak picture of Halloween today. But the truth is, it’s NOT what it used to be. And where will I be on All Hallows Eve this year? Look for a figure in a white sheet with eye-holes cut out going WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. No, it’s not the KKK – it’s just Mozo.