Headphones As The New Dating Armor

I continue to realize and be entertained by the immaturity of people around me. Now, before I continue, I’m not taking myself out of the equation here. I have been known to throw a tantrum reminiscent of my 6th year of life but we’re not talking about me right now. I have recently encountered more obnoxious behavior on the part of the less fair sex. Where shall I begin?

Is it customary when having drinks and appetizers at an upscale New York establishment to give your female companion a wet-willie? Yes, we’re talking insertion of tongue into ear. Earlingus. Is it also standard practice to lean your face down to the plate with your hands behind your back and grab the calamari with your mouth? I don’t know – I’m just asking.

It gets better:

This next story is slightly more subtle but obnoxious nonetheless. After leaving Earlingus Man and walking to my next destination on 6th Avenue, I was accosted by a hot-dog vendor. Allow me to set the scene. There is a hot-dog vendor on the corner of 54th and 6th Ave who sold me a dog once. Ever since then, whenever he sees me, he waves to me. I give him the obligatory wave back. Now, he’s a little bit annoying because he’s mildly lecherous. So, after drying my moist ear, I was in no mood to wave to anyone. I was jamming away to my Ipod (ears safely guarded with headphones). He proceeds to abandon his hot dog stand and push away several people to grab my arm to say hello to me. I’m like, Dude – are you for real? Who knows, maybe business is slow…

This final story is really about a lack of savvy more than anything else.

While I was enjoying a beverage with EarLingus Man (pre moist ear), I received a text message from a guy asking me if I wanted to “get a drink*.” I replied that that would be lovely and gave my location. I asked him to come meet me in midtown as I had late dinner plans with friends in the area. He proceeds to write – “I was thinking in your neighborhood a bit later.” This guy lives in QUEENS. I live in BROOKLYN. There is NO reason he would want to have drinks in my neighborhood – save for ONE I can think of. Everyone with me? Good. So HELLO??? Not savvy. Since when is it ok to be that transparent?


*Yes, my star is on the rise. Everyone wants a piece of the Moze.