Which is worse?

Yesterday, I got into an elevator that was making this really weird BEEEEEEEEPing sound... I thought it was kind of weird, but people didn't really seem to mind or notice. So, having a "follow-the-crowd" mentality, I figured, what-the-hell and got in. Now, before I go any further, I should mention that we just moved to a different building, and this building while aesthetically pleasing is older than water and the elevators are the WORST. So, I am in the elevator, the doors close, the weird noise finally stops, and we start moving up. Then, all of a sudden, FREE FALL! Yup - it happened to me! It wasn't a lot, a story or two but it was enough to make me scream out in fear and give everyone QUITE a start.

Ok, but that's not the worst part about this story.

So, this guy standing next to me, starts touching my thigh! Which, would be inappropriate under NORMAL circumstances, but after having just faced death with 6 strangers in an enclosed metal box, I found it to be all the more disturbing. It was sort of like, he was trying to comfort me and calm me down... And those of you who know me, I'm not particularly touchy-feely as it is... I don't like people in my space, or people (especially STRANGERS) touching me. But what I find odd, if he WERE trying to comfort me, don't you think he could have put his hand on my shoulder? Perhaps he was just trying to get a little action before we all plummeted to our demise. Who knows...

Year in Review:

Well Well Well…. What a year it has been! I am taking this time to be a bit introspective play a little “Year In Review.” So here are some pearls of wisdom gained by Mozo in 2005.

As many of you know, Mozo started the year with something called the M.L.I.P. aka the Mozo Life Improvement Program (pronunciation: MUH-lip). The MLIP entailed: less partying, more exercising, less bad dates, more good dates, more health food, fewer alcohol units, more sleep, less swearing, more elbow grease, less bacon grease, I could go on and on but you get the idea.

I believe the MLIP 2005 went somewhere down the toilet around the 3rd week of the year when I was jumping on a bed after sucking down two massive Hurricanes at Pat O’Brien’s in New Orleans on an empty stomach. Suffice it to say, I ended up falling off the bed somewhere mid-jump only to have busted my head open. Eight staples, yes STAPLES in my noggin later, I was on a flight back to the Big Apple with somewhat painful (if not fuzzy) memories of the Big Easy.

First Big Lesson of the year:

- No jumping on beds after drinking

Other Lessons gleaned throughout 2005:

- Garbage needs to be taken out regularly
- Newspapers are easily pilfered
- Lost items almost always end up under my bed
- My cats enjoy chewing on fake plants and then throwing up the fake foliage on my bed
- You can put a cactus through a lot of abuse
- Angry cats will poop on your bed
- I have enough undergarments to last 6 weeks of NOT doing laundry (7 weeks if I use swimwear)
- Don’t ever buy an indoor AC unit. Trust me on this one.
- If someone tells you their dog is crazy – BELIEVE them and don’t go anywhere near it.
- No matter where you are on earth, you can spot a New Yorker anywhere and they can usually spot you.
- Chips and salsa does not a Mexican meal make.
- Considering the amount of ramen and hot-dogs I eat, I should have enough MSG and nitrites in my body to pickle me for life.
- A rat, a jerk, and liar can all be friends.
- Fishing off the company pier is generally a bad idea.
- Donut eating is inversely correlated to action getting
- If an elevator makes a funny noise as you are getting into it, you are wise to exit immediately.
- Blackberry’s and IPOD’s make life enormously better
- Blogging is the new ‘My Diary’
- Riding a roller-coaster after a night of partying in Las Vegas is not the best way to cure a hangover (oh, wait, I learned that in 2004!)

Well folks, that's my year in review. In addition to a promotion, a bonus, a raise, a broken heart, a mended heart, a new roommate, some new friends, reuniting w/some old friends, a U2 concert, US Open tickets, seeing Paul McCartney live, a trip to Puerto Rico, and an upcoming trip to DC for New Years. All, in all, pretty good year.

DCNY

I'm happy to report I will be ringing in the New Year w/my DC peeps!

Shark Attack- Area Man Fights Back

Some of you know I have a thing for sharks. I have my entire life... I won the science fair in the 3rd grade when I did my report and project on sharks and have been slightly obsessed ever since. A dream vacation for me would be to go on one of those shark-diving expeditions where they put you in the cage and lower you into the middle of a feeding frenzy of hungry hammer-heads or great-whites. It all started when I read Shark Lady by Eugene Clark. In fact, on our yearly family excursions to bali, I would always go snorkling in search of sharks (brave girl, I was). Unfortunately, the most I ever found was this snake - which, come to find out, is one of the worlds deadliest! Yet, I digress. While I am fascinated by these big fish, I also have a very healthy respect (let's call it what it is- FEAR) for these guys. But it looks like this guy retaliated by punching a shark that tried to eat him. He's my idol! (and incidently, not bad looking either)

Current books. As many of you know, my crazy ADD won’t let me get through a book. So once again, I am reading 3 at a time. Here they are:

Anatomy of a Bear: Lessons From Wall Street’s Four Great Bottoms - Russell Napier

The Corrections – by Jonathan Franzen

The Fabric of The Cosmos – Brian Greene

I’ve been meaning to get through Fabric for months now so who knows... It should be noted that the last set of books I was reading – only one was ever completed - Eldest. I attribute this not only to my lack of being able to pay attention to anything for any length of time, in addition to the fact that the rest of the books I was reading at the time weren’t really that good…

Xmas List Unfulfilled....

Here are the things I wanted for Christmas but didn't get:

1) A Maid
2) A filing monkey (for work mostly, but monkeys are just fun)
3) A periwinkle BMW convertible
4) A Money tree
5) A stylist that does my hair and makeup in the morning (c'mon, Mariah Carey has one!)
6) A new liver
7) An Alaskan Huskey complete w/sled to pull me to work every morning
8) James Taylor to sing me to sleep every night
9) One of the Backstreet Boys (I don't care which one )

The Skulls - Worst Movie Ever??

I'm watching this movie the Skulls right now... This movie is SUCH a turkey! There's nothing like a testosterone laden movie with car chases, in-fighting, suicide, and a good ol' fashioned duel at the end for a little post-Christmas entertainment. Similar to the car crashes and chases in this movie, I can't help but continue watching... I have to say, I do enjoy the eye-candy asThe Skulls is lousy with men of all ages, including that hottie who plays Grissom on CSI. As a single, hot-blooded female, this aspect of the movie I DO enjoy...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

(Thanks for the pic, Toby!) MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Strike Stuff

So apparently the MTA workers have been urged to come back to work. I imagine it will take at least 24 hours if not 48 to get everything up and running once again. So tonight might be my last forced walk 8 mile home... For all my lamenting about this strike, I think secretly enjoyed these walks. I mean, my IPOD and Blackberry made it bearable, but there is something about walking 8 miles to work that makes you start to appreciate things like the subway. I must say, I have also gathered a renewed appreciation for my legs and youth. I realize, I'm still young and healthy enough to be able to walk 16 miles a day. And while I'm hungry as a horse from all the walking, and my calves are as hard as rocks, I enjoy it! Humans certainly are not made to sit on our keisters all day staring @ computer screens. What's funny, is we've become so conditioned to NOT exercizing or working out... I heard people were falling asleep in front of their computer screens b/c they physically aren't used to all the walking... and it's only been 3 days! Having to walk has definitly opened my eyes to my lack of physical exercize in general. I think I'm going to continue walking but just 1x per day and most likely in the morning. And probably not every work day.

I actually car-pooled this morning from Brooklyn, and in order to cross the Manhattan Bridge you had to have at least 4 people in your vehicle, so we picked up a stranger. Which, I think, says something about New Yorkers - they are a resiliant bunch and do manage to help eachother out when necessary. I decided last night after walking over 2 hours that I needed to be in the company of good friends, so I headed on over to Brooklyn Heights to drink a lot of red wine (read: to ease the throbbing in my calves) and eat some delicious food with a phenomenal group of people.

All in all, my strike experiences have been positive. I know i was all sour-grapes before... but what can I say? I'm resistant to change I guess. Nevertheless, I'm glad the strike is over. Yeeeee haaaaa!

UNRELATED:

I haven't done a movie quote in a while. Here's another classic from another Mozo favorite:

Said in British Accent: "No you're not, you're LOVELY! It's vile Richard! Ugh, he's just a giant knob-head with no knob!"

If you haven't guessed it or don't know the movie - it's said by Bridget Jones in the appropriately titled Bridget Jones Diary. She is describing her friend's boyfriend who is not the greatest guy. Incidently, while she is saying this, her boss, played by the delicious dish - Hugh Grant overhears her conversation and this makes for a rather embarressing moment for the endearing, not-so-elegant Jones.

End In Sight???

Is the MTA going to end this madness?

Saccharide J-Tubes

I'm in love. With Candy Canes!Or as they were known to me in chemisry class junior year - saccharide J tubes. These minty treats are really something else. I love them big, small, and in-between. I like 'em curved or straight. There is something about the minty, stripy, christmassy goodness that really sets me free. Now, I sucked at chemistry, but this was probably the only project I not only enjoyed but actually completed for once. I remember burning my fingers trying to twist the sugary mixture into a classic J shape. It was basically just food coloring, sugar, and mint.... Ahhhh, how I love the simple things...

Mama Mia! Here We Go Again!!

This is cheesy, and nobody has ever accused me of NOT being so, so I'm gonna roll w/my inner cheese. I just recently got on this weird ABBA kick which is funny b/c I used to hate them. I used to think they were the epitome of the worst thing ever... I'm still not in love with them... but passion is passion - so hate has turned to something exciting and new.... Not sure what that is exactly, but let's move on.

I recently came across this song when watching Mama Mia and I liked it then, but on my 2 and a half hour walk home this evening (see previous post), I began listening to WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE over and over and over again and I decided that the lyrics are poingant. The melody is also exceptionally good for an ABBA song and I would say it's one of their best.

Angriest Woman In New York

I'm the angriest woman in New York City right now. I just walked from 55th and 6th to Boreum Hill, Brooklyn! That's 8 and a half miles! In the cold! BACKWARDS! IN THE SNOW!!! I'm about to kill some MTA employees. Next time I take a ride on the bus I'm giving them a piece of my mind... THANKS FOR THE RIDES, DICKS! Lucky me, I get to do this ALL over again in the morning.

*oh, I forgot to mention, that when walking over the Manhattan bridge, there were SO many cars on it, that it was swaying - to the point where I was almost NAUSEATED (not nauseous). In addition, to the fact that I could see the suspension wires moving - I'm thinking Mothman Prophecies here... and I don't like it one bit... No SIR! Not one iota!

The Chronic(what?)cles of Narnia

Seen on SNL - This may be one of the funniest things I've seen in a while! Turn your speakers up.

GRRRRR....

A MILLION apologies to everyone I inadvertantly sent a virus/worm to over AOL Instant Message. Apparently, it is fairly benign however it is still annoying.

New Craving...

Lately, I have been eating a lot of street meat. I can’t help it – hot dogs are so good! You know, hot dogs might be the yummiest thing you can pick up on the street. I’m not a big fan of the Halal meats that they cook-up… a little too pungent for my taste. I was recently discussing this hot dog fetish w/a foodie and he said that it’s really the condiments that make the hot dog the palatable (and cheap) treat that all New Yorkers have come to know (and love?). In reference to these tube shaped processed meats I bring you the following movie quote from a little film that put the “Down Undah” on the map with Americans.

You can live on it, but it tastes like $hit.

I leave you to chew on that while I go to lunch.

Nothin' A Girl Luvs More Than A Little Kudos On A Saturday Night

So, after participating in the much anticipated Santa Con, I find myself wide awake at 2:32pm on a Saturday night... Yes yes, it probably had something to do with eating a McMeal (plain burger, extra pickles [i had a craving]*, diet coke, small fries, LOTS of salt) at 6pm and then finding I could not really keep up with the rest of the Santas due to some heavy duty indigestion (do I go there?? nah...) brought on by 1) this very nutritious choice of dinners and 2) inhaling it faster than you can say, "Santa needs a beer!" Anyway, I digress. So I'm sitting here awake b/c I had to leave Santa Con early due to my lapse in dining judgement, perusing the blogs and I stumble upon this posting giving none other than yours truly some Big Ups for her blogging! Color me happy and shiver me timbers! Mozo is gonna rock her kudos!


* I'm sorry but aren't the DICED pickles the greatest thing ever? Maybe it's just me... (now, I know these aren't DICED... but I wanted the stimulating visual...)

I'll Take Psycho for $500 Please

As some of you may know, I have decided to dabble on Match.com a little - well.... I had my first very offputting experience. If a guy calls you an a**hole BEFORE you've even met - chances are it's probably BEST not to meet up with said individual. Now, I may not be the NICEST person on earth, and I'll admit I have my share of bad days just like anyone else, but I would say, that I'm NOT an a$$hole. Nor, am I an F-ing B1tch like he proceeded to call me after I had asked him to reschedule. I guess some people are just very sensitive... My friend Eat and I had the following conversation over IM about this incident:

ME: he went BEZERK - I was talking on phone w/him to reschedule
ME: and he goes - "this is going to work out bye" CLICK
ME: and THEN
EAT: yikes dont go out with him
ME: proceeds to call again
ME: and again
EAT: ha
ME: and again
EAT: awesome!
ME: and at one point I pick up
ME: and he says
ME: "F*** you you stupid b**ch"
ME: and I'm like
EAT: ha
ME: "are you serious?"
ME: and he's like "Yeah"
EAT: thats fabulous!
ME: so I hung up
EAT: u see? undateable
ME: and then he starts texting me
ME: all these CRAZY texts
EAT: fantastic
ME: "the fates will get you you a$$hole!"
EAT: u must save them
ME: I have!!
ME: it was a little scary though....
ME: a LITTLE creeepy!
EAT: and compile them and send them out to everyone, post them everywhere
ME: hah! yes I should actually
EAT: report him to match
ME: oooh! yes
EAT: of course u should
EAT: he is ANIMALE!!

So... I'm thinking Darwinism here... Survival of the fittest... Yeah, I think he's gonna lose out, just... in general. Now, I'm not knocking match overall, I think there is some validity to it and have even had some good experiences - but it's important to keep in mind, that apparently the nut jobs ARE out there... As Eat so aptly puts it, "They walk among us." Lucky me, I was able to weed this one out beforehand.

The Chronicles of SMARMIA

So, in the spirit of Narnia - I thought I would rename all of seven books in a way that might apply in present day Shangri La. I'm going to transition these children's classics from fantasy to adult contemporary drug store lit (some would argue these are one in the same - but that's neither here nor there) . Here are the original titles - their new names - and a brief synopsis of each new story in:

~ The Chronicles of Smarmia ~

1) The Magician's Nephew - The Politician's Curfew
- A coming of age story about an 'Arthur-esqe' young man running for Comptroller who is forced by his beautiful campaign manager to stay in after 11pm in order to curb his partying ways. A love affair inevitably ensues.
2) The Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe - The Lyin', the Rich, and The Bathrobe
- A tear-jerker, coming of age tale about a 'Hefner' like man who is encouraged by his playmate to curb his partying ways. A love affair inevitably ensues.
3) The Horse and His Boy - The Whore and Her Goy
- A riveting, coming of age tale about a prostitute and her non-Jewish John who tries to curb her partying ways. A love affair (and a VD) inevitably ensues.
4) Price Caspian – Princess…. Ahhhh, I’m STUCK with this one…. Perhaps I will edit later…. (i will take suggestions)
5) The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - The Voyage of the Prawn Shredder
- A touching, coming of age journey about a 3 star chef who’s crustacean processing machine revolutionizes the cooking industry across America. A love affair (and food poisoning) inevitably ensues.
6) The Silver Chair - The (First) Silver Hair
- A nail biting – coming of age (for real this time) story about a young professional hockey player discovering his first gray hair. Upon entering a salon to get a dye job, he meets a beautiful stylist – A love affair (and an allergic reaction) inevitably ensues. 7) The Last Battle - The Waist Whittle
- A gripping, coming of age tale about a woman who joins weight watchers only to watch the pounds fall off and the attention pile on. (Many) Love Affairs inevitably ensue.

So there you have it - this new series is not to be missed. It's best to picture these covers with Fabio-like characters gracing the paperback coverlets (that fold out for greater detail).

The Chronicles of Narnia

I have got my knickers in a bunch because I had the opportunity to see a sneak preview of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe last night! I really should have gone straight home and written this posting instead of the following morning however, I am sure I can still describe accurately just how phenomenal this movie is. Obviously, for those of you that have read the books, this movie brings back memories of a simpler time when we were kids (which I presume is when most people read these books). The movie sticks close to the original story penned by C.S. Lewis – known for this series as well as various books on Christianity.

This flick has something for everyone. The soundtrack is amazing and made the hair stand up on my arms at times. Special effects are top notch – recreating Narnia with all its characters including Mr. Tumnus – a minotaur, the great Aslan – the King of Narnia as well as other mythical creatures including centaurs, phoenix(‘s?), chimeras, unicorns, etc. The young actors portraying the young hero’s and heroines of this story are not only talented but simply delightful as well. Simply put – go see this movie. You will not be disappointed.

Never The Twine Shall Meet (Twine Posting Part Deux)

Remember this posting? Am STILL looking for twine.... see this picture to the left? That ball of twine could EAT that kid!




water water everywhere and not a drop to drink

DOES ANYONE HAVE A SANTA COSTUME???

DOES ANYONE HAVE A SANTA COSTUME I CAN BORROW??? PRETTY PLEASE????

If you do, will you post a reply and let me know how I can get it touch?? I promise I'll keep it in good repair and dry clean it for you.

HOTEL ILLNESS and REINDEER GAMES

The Moze is under the weather this weekend. I'm afraid I suffer from a malady commonly known as Myheadissostuffedupican'thearortasteanything-itus. I've been up since 3:30 since sleeping is out of the question when you have temporary sleep apnea induced by severe mucus buildup... Do you really want to know about this? Probably not. Anyway, I shall be staying in this weekend and not terrorizing the people of this great city. Although, I might just don a reindeer sweater and head over to Chealsea for a bit to show off my Christmas duds at the Chincy Reindeer Sweater Party. However, I must get well and rest up for the EVENT of the season that I have been dying to attend since I moved to NYC. On December 10th, Catherine and I are going to take part in SANTA CON!! What's cooler than hundreds of bad Santas running around the neighborhood living it up and enjoying the spirit of the season? Honestly, I can think of NOTHING I'd rather do more with my Saturday.